Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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