Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
