My first STD was from a foam party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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