So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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