I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
