Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish you could order shots online.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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