Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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