I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
