I wish my penis had an off switch
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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