"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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