Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
