a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Jerry, you need to find god
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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