Yo dont text me then not text me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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