i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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