i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
