I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
