your parents love me but you hate me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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