Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
