I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
