my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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