I will die if light touches me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
