Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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