I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
