If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
