and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
