Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
