I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
