Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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