Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
