STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
