I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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