I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
