Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
