Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
