he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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