No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
