bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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