Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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