i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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