how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
