Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
