We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
