when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
