ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
