I think my vagina is haunted
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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