I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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