Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
