If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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