community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
