But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
