jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
