How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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