Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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